8 Oddities of Our Office Breakroom


Friends of mine always ask me what it’s like to work at a major syndicated radio show in Los Angeles.

Are the people nice? Are they really weird? Are they all actors?

Instead of answering any of these questions, I give you 8 photos of our office break room.

1. Office Water Cooler

People actually do hang out and talk here. But, only when there is a surprise birthday party or lunch, and they unwittingly get backed into this corner. Office Water Cooler is also right next to the trash can, so the person standing here gets stuck throwing everyone’s garbage away when they finish inhaling the cake/pizza/Baja Fresh.

2. Nespresso

Oh, sweet Nespresso machine. You give us the gift of coffee. You’re the first thing we long to see every morning. Except when you tell us that you need to be DESCALED. Whatever that means, it don’t sound pretty.

3. Cold & Flu Season Announcement

This seems pretty cut and dry. Assuming that we live in a world where things like an ice scoop do not exist. The sign also implies that there is an actual cold & flu season, which you wouldn’t know from its 365-day appearance.

4. Happy Birthday Banner

We celebrate birthdays here. All of them. Everyone gathers in the dark, while one person convinces the birthday boy/girl that their help is needed with some thingamajig in the break room. Surprise. Bet we had you fooled since we waited until 4:30 instead of the usual 4pm. Happy Birthday To You is mumbled, off-key. Cake is then served, followed by awkward conversation and laughter. Like Cold & Flu Season Announcement, Happy Birthday Banner never comes down.

5. Cake List

At least once a year, someone gathers office intel regarding the cake of your preference. The ice cream cake is popular. One person always asks for strawberry pie – which is actually just a bowl of strawberries. And there is the offseason, the Fall/Winter months where no one was born. So we wait. According to this year’s Cake List, we have “a big cheeseburger with candles in it” waiting for us on December 28. Cake FAIL.

6. Sink Sign

Apparently, there used to be a tradition here of flushing lunch leftovers down the drain. Someone figured out that this sink was not equipped to swallow solid food items like guacamole, and Sink Sign was made. It was later amended by an unknown hooligan to include “water” among the prohibited draining items. There was major confusion, and an e-mail was sent out to reassure everyone that you can, indeed, flush water down the drain.

7. Toaster Note

Toaster ovens do not agree with paper. One would think napkins would not find storage on top of one to begin with. One day, someone thought it was a serious enough fire hazard to make an announcement. However, it was only serious enough for a handwritten Post-It. In the 3 years I have been here, this Post-It has never once lost its grip.

8. Power Outage Warning

You can make coffee. You can toast a bagel. But, you cannot do both at the same time. This will blow a fuse, and several writers will come screaming down the hall that they lost some script they were working on. This is important enough to warrant a Microsoft Word document. No one obeyed Power Outage Warning, so “Attention” had to be added with a marker. Coffee happy. Bagel happy. Writers happy.


3 Responses to “8 Oddities of Our Office Breakroom”

  1. 1 Gib

    Jason… this is hilarious.

  2. Dear G*d, you work with a bunch of passive/aggressive apartment mates from college!

  3. This is pretty funny. I WISH people would hang out in our tiny breakroom. Instead, they have their conversations in our open, shared office space—annoying everyone (well, at least me).

    We have a Sharpie tied and velcroed to our breakroom fridge w/a sign that says, “Please do not leave your food. Write your name and date on all food. Within 2 weeks your food will be thrown out. Thank you.” It even applies to things like soda or water bottles.

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