I saw the movie Hancock last night, and I began to wonder… do I have super powers, too? Should I make myself a black form-fitting leather uniform? Can I drink and fly, and get away with it?

Creating title towns in one U-Haul move… I am Champion, Master of the Rings! *burp*

I have a theory that I do possess certain “abilities.” I believe I have the power to turn professional sports teams into winners. Dare I say, Champions. I just cannot be in the same city in which they play. Ever.

Case #1: THE TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS

When I was in the 5th grade, I could name every starting player for the NFL’s orange creamsicle doormat, the position they played, and the number they wore. This commitment to winning was not reciprocated by the actual play on the field. I moved from St. Petersburg to Indianapolis in 2000. Three years later, the Bucs routed the Oakland Raiders 48-21 to win their first Super Bowl. I made it happen from my couch.

Case #2: THE TAMPA BAY LIGHTNING

This is a hockey team. Yes, hockey is a sport. And yes, there is a professional hockey team in Florida. Two, actually. I was there when they opened the Florida Suncoast Dome, which became Thunderdome, which became Tropicana Field, which came to be known as The Trop. The Lightning once shared this “facility” with the Tampa Bay Storm - an arena football team. After 12 years of irrelevance, they brought home the Stanley Cup, defeating Calgary in 2004. A Florida team beat a Canadian team. I did that.

Case #3: THE INDIANAPOLIS COLTS

Dammit if these bastards didn’t come close almost every year that I lived in Indy. They had even acquired the greatest coach in Bucs’ history, Tony Dungy. But, every year I found myself sitting in Buffalo Wild Wings, drinking the pain away. I moved to L.A, in 2005. Two years later, the Colts won the Super Bowl. I wished it from afar.

Case #4: THE TAMPA BAY RAYS

No titles yet. No rings. No playoff games. But, after 10 years of suckage and uniform combinations that have included the colors purple, yellow, and green, these guys are winning. They’ve swept leading contenders like the Cubs and the Red Sox. Even Yankees’ ownership wants it players to play more like the Rays. Yeah, it’s too early for champagne. We’re just coming up on the All-Star break. But it’s pretty damned cool to look at the wild card standings and not see your team - because they’re leading the AL East. The Rays. Leading. All because of me.

These are just a few examples of my amazing powers. But, I want to use it for good. I want to share the wealth. Perhaps your team is in a bit of slump. Haven’t won the World Series in a hundred years? Never been to the Rose Bowl? Want home field advantage in the NFL playoffs? Hire me. I will move to your fair city for one year. Consider it free-agency. It will be a time for re-building. You may not see an immediate payoff. But, wait ’til I leave. I guarantee your team will start winning.

This is what I do. I turn teams into Champions.

There’s an event happening. People are being nicer to each other. In Los Angeles.

Have you noticed this? It could be a result of citizen bonding due to high gas prices, or searing temperatures. Maybe it’s a strange neurotoxin released by the trees that is making us want to be cordial to each other.

Today, I witnessed people saying “Yes, ma’am” and “thank you.” A guy held the door open for me at Scorecard in Studio City. A girl held it open at a Subway in Valley Village. And despite the fact that I was amused at finding one woman wearing Uggs and another wearing cowboy boots - both with shorts - I refrained from taking pictures to poke fun at them later.

What is wrong with me? What is wrong with us? Is L.A. getting…. friendlier? The signs are everywhere: All over Ventura Boulevard, where dozens of parking spaces have been spotted, no doubt left empty out of courtesy for shoppers from over the Hill.

Whatever is going on, we have to find a way to stop it. We cannot let the word get out. If this epidemic continues to grow, we will inevitably wind up on some list in some magazine as a top vacation destination. Which means a lot more of those damn tourists from everywhere else.

Amusing moment earlier today when Rockstar Plumber stopped by for the second time in a week. He wanted to charge us an additional $85 for the service call which was a follow-up of the other service call. We said no, and he called dispatch, who waived the charge.

Hanging up with her, he turned to us and said “What do I care - I’m still getting paid.”

Before getting on his way, we noticed that Rockstar Plumber, proud owner of one full sleeve tattoo, had something else. On each of four fingers was a letter, spelling out a four-letter word:

E - V - I - L

Rock on, Plumber. You just keep doing your thing.

A Chorus Line, the longest-running American Broadway musical ever, is playing Los Angeles. A Broadway show, with Broadway perfomers, playing Downtown L.A. at the Ahmanson Theatre. In a city with millions of people, half of whom claim to be in “the business,” a show like this seems to be a no-brainer.

So why were so many seats empty on a Thursday night?

Is it because of the recession? Gas prices too high to drive across town? Or is it yet another example that L.A. is not a theatre town?

Two moments from last night’s show will stay with me.

1. When the final 8 dancers are cast and the lights fade to black, several old folks in our section were puzzled. “That’s it?” they asked each other, as they headed for the exit. No, that’s not it. There’s something called the finale. You know, when the cast returns to the stage in formal dress to sing this song called “One?” Singular Sensation? Yeah… THAT one.
2. After the show, a mother was overheard talking to her 5-year-old son. “Don’t ever do that. You don’t want to do that. Don’t be a dancer. Be a rocket scientist or something.” Something tells me she once thought everything was beautiful at the ballet.. and then, life happened.

A Chorus Line runs through July 6 at the Ahmanson Theatre in Downtown Los Angeles. For more info. visit centertheatregroup.org.

1. Question everything and everybody, and do not settle for the first answer. Or the second.

2. Back up your argument with carefully researched facts. Then have more facts to back up those facts, and have them all printed out in hard copy to produce when needed.

3. Don’t make your job your life. One vacation in Italy will not fix years of working 80 hours a week.

Thank you, Tim, for keeping them honest all these years.